A happy heart is good medicine, and a cheerful mind works healing.
Those words are straight out of the Bible, which is full of wisdom that has stood the test of time over thousands of years and it’s more than just positive thinking.
Against a backdrop in our news and social media about the problems of mental ill-health, how do we apply those words? When everything looks bleak is it realistic to expect a happy heart and cheerful mind?
The answers, of course, are as varied and complex as the issues that face us in our time here on this planet. There is no ‘magic bullet’ to cure our depression; no miracle drug; no ‘one size fits all’ quick fix. But there is hope and it lies in the opposite direction to the pursuit of happiness. Usually it surprises us when we are the most self-forgetful, giving out rather than looking to consume.
There is hope and it lies in the opposite direction to the pursuit of happiness.
I battled (and it is past tense, which itself may give hope) with depression on and off for twenty years. And my wife battled with living with me in all that too. So I realise there are deep issues involved here that a little article like this isn’t going to touch. But there are equally deep yet surprisingly simple principles that can make a huge difference. Let me try to illustrate what I mean:
What makes me happy and relaxed may be the very thing that you try to avoid because it makes you bored or edgy, and vice versa. In relationships this is either going to cause tension and frustration if I try to get my needs met; or lead to grace or generosity if I try to meet yours, depending on how we choose to deal with it.
My wife and I are wired almost totally, completely opposite in many ways – for instance, I love to do the same thing over again, like walking the same route through woods and over moorland; she wants to go find a new route and a new destination every single time.
What makes us happy is as unique as our fingerprints. So, we compromise.
Her choice sets me on edge as I gear myself up for the unknown, ready to deal with it but not exactly enjoying the rest. My familiar, regular route, with what I see as an ever changing complexity of nature through different seasons and weathers, is to her not worth doing twice because there’s so much more out there to discover.
Who is right? Both, of course, and neither. What makes us happy is as unique as our fingerprints. So, we compromise. In that compromise, someone gives the other the gift of the thing that makes them happy at the apparent cost of pursuing their own happiness. And another piece of wisdom from Jesus comes into play: it really is better to give than to receive (and note, Jesus has no problem with receiving!)
Giving of ourselves is often undermined in our western culture, which emphasises the idea that ‘getting what I want’ will somehow bring me fulfilment. Yet love leads us out of our isolation into a spacious place, where others live with us, as we seek to meet some (not all) of their needs.
Even something as simple as going for a walk where others would prefer, and not us, can be an act of love. It’s how we learn to share life together, and you could ‘multiply’ it up to the major issues of life between any people in any relationship, and the principle still holds true. Giving out for the purpose of enriching another person’s experience, from a heart that is securely loved and when we rightly love ourselves, is the route to happiness and a cheerful mind.
For many of us, this begins in a loving relationship with God who is Love, who is also with us in the tough, sad and very unhappy times that will inevitably come our way. He gave Himself, and we celebrate this, appropriately, with giving at Christmas. All of us here at Cross Rhythms hope that you will find the Gift of Christmas in all its forms, more than ever before, this year.
